A Letter to the Brand New Mother

Awake at night with the baby?

Feeling some silent tears well up in your eyes and roll down your cheek?


Here are some things for you to read whenever you need some distraction, mixed in with some things I wish people would tell me so I didn't feel like I was a failure, mixed in with some motivation mixed in with just...random thoughts:

-Pain and healing after birth is a bitch. It's natural for it to feel like that

-You just gave birth to a human being, you can do anything! Don't forget it too quickly and don't let doubts trickle in on your capabilities

-It's normal to be frustrated that you're not back to your old fully functioning self when you want to be. No one is back to their normal self. It took 9 months to grow and change and birth this child, it will take some time to get back. I expected my body to be back once I popped the kid out. Nope.

-It is normal to feel like you were better 39 weeks pregnant than post partum

-At some point you will walk normally again (posture, speed, gait, all of it), I promise! 

-It takes some time to let go of the pregnancy loose clothes and the pregnancy pillow...bummer, I wanted them out, but embrace the spandex and the loose things. Just wear them

-It's hard to move, what?!?!?!

-The belly...what do you mean it's still there?

-Everything that functions down there will slowly return to normal, too

-So what if you don't bounce back like a super model? You're pretty damn beautiful

-There is probably nothing more beautiful to Brendan than to see you holding his daughter

-Let the tears go, just let them out, why try to control or to find sense in them?

-The hormonal rollercoasters, don't fight them but just grab on for the ride. They get less intense, but the rides go on for awhile.

-Poor partners, they are also along for the ride, but give them some time to also learn to navigate the new roles

-Everything hurts, and apparently it's supposed to 

-When did showering have to hurt?

-When did wearing clothes have to hurt?

-The large underwear and pads go away eventually

-the bleeding goes away....eventually...

-That black belly line goes away...eventually...

-Just let it all out when you have to

-Breast feeding is painful, formula feeding is also painful, which ever you decide to do, man it's hard!

-If you feel overwhelmed, you have a right to be

-If you feel like you're not a good mom, remember your'e pretty kickass, but you're just waiting to unfold all the kick assness

-You see that awesome mom over there? She thinks she herself is not a good mom either

-It's normal to doubt yourself all the time, but don't!

-mom guilt hits early and hits hard, but give yourself a break--you're doing amazing!

-constipation is a bitch and is like birthing poo babies (less cute). stool softeners

-It's okay to poo for so long your leg goes numb

-It's okay to not even be productive enough to type an email on your phone

-take some time to take it all in

-Enjoy the snuggles, they change so quickly

-Steal some extra moments

-scared you might leak? normal

-You think you're doing something wrong, you're not

-It's okay to be tired, but you'll be so tired that random things will seem amusing

-No matter what you do, she will love you and she will feel your love

-laugh at things

-If there is someone willing to take care of the baby, then do it and try to sleep

-Put down the phone and just focus on yourself and the baby

-But take the phone and take all the photos your want. Do it and don't let anyone stop you

-enjoy the baby pee leaks and poop explosions...art?

-All the transitions and changes and baths and the outings will get so much easier day after day as the baby gets bigger

-enjoy this phase along with all its hardships because everything goes by quickly

-it gets easier once your child smiles back

-it does get easier

-it gets easier, I promise

-There's no such thing as spoiling a baby or forming bad habits, so just do what works and go easy on yourselves

-it's really hard and everyone who doesn't say so is lying

-Sometimes frustration comes from trying to force the baby into what we think she should be doing or forcing her into a routine that is convenient for us. It's freeing to just let go

-It's so annoying that others can sleep and function, and feeling angry and jealous is normal and doesn't make you a bad person

-You're not alone, especially at night, because i'm awake at night with you, too, along with all the other caregivers with little babies, thinking about you and sending good thoughts your way

-it really does get easier

-it's okay for others to do things

-You will sleep long stretches again

-You will feel normal again

-It does get easier, like somehow, slowly but surely, at 4 weeks, then 6 weeks, then 12 weeks, then 6 months...and so on

-You will one day feel like you have the hang of it...kind of, and that's good enough

-You can do anything because you're a warrior of a woman

-did I mention already that it will get easier

-It's okay to sometimes wonder if you made a mistake and to mourn the loss of your pre-baby life (doing so doesn't mean your'e a bad mom)

-It's okay to doubt your decisions and your capabilities and readiness and even the idea that you can be a mom

-it's okay to let things pile up and to put an auto away message on and to not respond to email

-it's okay to let everything else go and just focus on the baby



You're doing great!!! You are an amazing person and this little person is lucky enough to get you as their mom.

You are beautiful, and wonderful, and competent, and loving, and caring, and warm, and the PERFECT mom for your child ONLY mom they want or need. Don't doubt yourself


Did I mention YET AGAIN that it gets better by 6 weeks somehow--promise! 

If you ever need to vent, I'm here without judgement but just to commiserate and prove to you that you're doing a great job.

Take it easy on yourself.